shattered
by michallev
Summary: Alex's father shows up with disastrous consequences. Warning- description of sexual abuse.
1. Chapter 1

The first thing Christina notices about the man standing in front of her is his jerky movements. He can't stop moving for even just one second. He keeps shifting his gaze as if looking for something and his arm twitches every now and then. His cloths are disheveled and he is in desperate need of a bath. "Sir, can I help you with something?" She finally breaks the silence. The man has been standing by the nurse's station for quite some time, she was told by Olivia, and frankly he was making everyone nervous. Standing now in front of him she could clearly say why. His red eyes and the jerky, twitchy movements…. Even with her Beverly Hills background, Christina can certainly recognize a junky when she sees one, especially one going through obvious withdrawal symptoms.

"Sir?" She tries again.

"I'm looking for my boy, he should be here…." He says and looks around.

"Oh… well if he's a patient I can…."

"Did I say he was a patient?!" He snaps.

"Well, you said you were looking for your son and this is a hospital. I just assumed…."

"Don't fucking assume… just get my boy to drag his lazy ass down here. Tell him his old man is looking for him."

"Sir, if he's not a patient I don't see how I can help you…" She is starting to get a weird feeling. There is something unsettling about this man that just makes her, well, uneasy. She quickly scans the almost empty surgical floor, trying to decide how long it will take security to reach her in time.

"Then get me someone who fucking can!!" He nearly shouts and a small crowd is starting to gather around them. "How hard can it possibly be to find someone in this god damn hospital?!"

"If you tell me his name maybe I could…."

The man rubs his forehead with the back of his hand. "You're a doctor… he's a doctor… you do the math…."

"Oh… he works here?" She finally understands. "Your son works here?" She repeats the question.

"Yeah, he works here. Alexander Karev. Just get him. You think you can handle it?" He asks sarcastically.

"You're… you're Alex's father?" She asks in astonishment. She would have never guessed it. Not in a million years, that this drug addict, most likely homeless person, is actually Alex's father.

The man simply stares back at her. "I'll go find him for you…" She's anxious to leave. This man, well, Alex's old man it appears, really does make her feel uneasy. She can't exactly explain it, this creepy sense he makes her feel. And then it hits her. Fear. That man managed to scare the hell out of her in a conversation of only a couple of minutes.

She finds Alex relatively quickly. He's at the deserted hall way where they all usually hang out between surgeries and rounds or when ever they just need some peace and quiet. He sits on a gurney scanning through a patient's charts eating a green apple. Izzie sits next to him, eyes closed; she appears to be sleeping in an awkward sitting position. Lexie is also there reading a thick medical book, she vaguely recognizes and Christina tries to remember when it stopped being weird, her hanging out with them.

She approaches them in silence but neither one makes any move or any kind of acknowledgement to let her know they recognize her presence. "Alex, there's some guy looking for you…" He still doesn't move or averts his eyes from the chart to look at her. "….Ah, he says he's your father…" Alex's head suddenly snaps up and Izzie also appears to be suddenly wide awake.

"What? That's impossible… I haven't… he's ah….. are you sure his my father?"

"Well that's what he said." Christina answers and as she looks closely at him she recognizes something different about his expression, one she has never seen in Alex before. Fear. The same fear she felt only moments before. Funny, she always thought Alex was afraid of nothing

"Did he say what he wants?"

"No. Just kept asking for you."

He really doesn't want to see his father. Some how he's always thought that when he would finally meet the guy it would be on his own terms, after he had had time to prepare. He was surely unprepared to meet him now, right now, at the hospital where he works, where there are people he respects, people who he considers to be his friends, people who would probably start looking at him differently from now on, when they see how he grew up, or even worse, they would feel sorry for him. And if there is one thing that Alex can't stand is people pitying him. And lies, he also hates lies. And the two are usually connected. When ever it came down to his family pity and lying were usually entwined. Sighing heavily Alex gives up, he's got to face the man sooner or later, might as well be sooner, before he can cause some damage, and gets up to leave with Christina. He dumps the half eaten apple into a nearby trash can and grabs the chart.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Izzie sounds genuinely concerned. She's the only one out here who has the slightest idea of what kind or a person his father is. He let a few things slip when he was around her, though it was never the whole story.

"That's okay" He says "I got it". And he and Christina leave.

"I got to warn you, Alex. He seemed… well I think he's…. no, he definitely was…."

"High?" He finishes the sentence for her. She looks at him with surprise. "Wouldn't be the first time…. Did he cause any trouble?"

"Not really. Just scared the nurses a little."

"What the hell does he possibly want from me? After all these years…." He doesn't realize he says it out loud, until he turns his face to meet Christina's shocked expression, and he beats himself for revealing too much.

He spots him in a second. He looks roughly the same. Older. He seems much older than his 53 years. And his drug habit has clearly picked up a notch since he last saw him. He is clearly in desperate need for a fix and if thing hasn't changed much since he was a kid this was usually a bad time to talk to his father. A really bad time.

His father suddenly sees them and for just a split second Alex hopes he will be glad to finally see him. To be able to talk to him after all this years. God, the man is not even around for 10 minutes and he already feels like a freaking 10 year old. But the hope is gone in heart beat. His father takes one good look at him and has is angry look on. Never a good sign.

"What do you want?" He says coldly as Christina leaves giving them some space to talk in private.

"Took you long enough to drag yourself out here, boy…" And that's it the first words his father has spoken to him in nearly 14 years. No Hi; or You Look Good, Alex; or I Missed You.

"How much do you need?" He says taking out his wallet. He really just wants it to end as soon as possible.

"Don't you dare take this tone with me, boy. I'm still your father." He says in a menacing tone. Alex sighs and motions him towards an empty family room, where they will not be bothered.

"Look Jack" He uses his father's name, the way he has been doing since he was a kid. "Why don't you cut the crap. I haven't seen or heard from you once in 14 years. You didn't even show up for mom's funeral… and all of a sudden you show up here? How did you find me anyway? Well forget it; I don't even want to know. If you're looking for cash I can probably scrap a few thousands, maybe a couple grand…."

"Couple grand?! Come on, Alex. You're the big shot doctor, you can probably do better than that."

"So you really are here just for the money." He says; a little disappointed. "And no, I'm not a big shot doctor, I'm only a resident, I don't make all that much and I'm still paying back some students loans. So a couple grand is really the best I can do. You should be just grateful for that you son of a bitch."

"Hey!! I told you to never take that tone with me…" He sounds intimidating and Alex can't stop wondering when he will be able to finally not fear his old man. His father suddenly swings his fist in the general direction of his jaw, but his movements are slow and Alex easily ducks it, making his father to slightly loose his balance. So much for hoping the man has changed… He looks at him a little more closely. Cold turkey has already kicked in making him even twitchier; Sweat running along his side burns. His cloths seem like they haven't been washed in days, and he does look like he could use a decent meal.

"What have you gotten yourself into?" He asks softly. His father doesn't answer. "Look, maybe I can scrap some more. Just give me a few hours to get the money, okay?" He can't stop himself. He knows his father is probably involved in something short than illegal, and that he shouldn't be helping him at all after all these years of abandonment. But he can't help it. Bottom line is, he's his father. The only one he got. And that's what you do for your family. You stick together.

Jack passes a note to him. Meet me there at 11 A.M. You know where it is?" Alex simply nods and his father leaves. Again, no Goodbye, Son; or Thanks for Your Help. He just leaves, and Alex has this weird feeling at the pit of stomach that this is probably a very very bad idea.

Izzie steps into the family room the minute she sees Alex's father leave. Well, she's guessing he's Alex's father because she saw them go into the room together, thought no formal introductions were made. "Are you okay?" She asks Alex, who just sits there.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. I just need to… and I only got a few hours…." He mumbles. "Hey, Izzie, can you cover me for a couple of hours? I'm supposed to be covering the Pit…"

"I have surgery with Hahn at 10" She starts to decline but then she stops for a few seconds to study him. He seems nervous and the way he is looking at her… it's like he is almost begging. "But I can probably get out of it, if you want, so I'll be able to…"

"No, no, it's okay. I'll just ask Meredith or someone." He says as he gets up.

"Alex, are you sure you're okay?" She repeats her original question. This time Alex doesn't even bother to answer.

He finds Meredith in one of her post-op patients' rooms and waits until she is finished and gets out of the patient's hearing range. "Meredith, can you cover for me in the Pit for a couple of hours? I have to… ah…. My father showed up and I have this thing he needs me to…" he doesn't finish his sentence, he's not really sure what his father wants from him, only that he needs some cash and wants to meet him somewhere not to far from the hospital.

"Sure." She answers. "No problem. But I have surgery at 12:00, so just be back in time, okay?" Wow, that was simple, he thinks. He was already willing to give up his only night off this week to make it up to her if she accepts, but he didn't have to even offer to do that. He quickly does the math. He has another hour and half before he's supposed to meet his father, he needs to stop at the bank… and if he meets him at 11 he will probably be back before noon. "I'll be back in time. Promise. Thanks Meredith." And with that he quickly leaves not even bothering to change out of his scrubs.

He gets to the place where he's supposed to meet his dad just before 11. He managed to get 5 grand in cash, which he is currently holding in his pocket, running his fingers on the small bundle every now and then. He takes a few moments to look around. It's a small alley not to far from the hospital, but in one of the bad neighborhoods in Seattle. One he has never been to before, nor will he ever want to return to. It's getting cold, and he wishes he remembered to take his jacket when he left the hospital. And it is also just starting to rain. Isn't it just great? He thinks.

"Alex" he hears his father's voice and turns around. He definitely got his fix…. He seems calmer.

"Look. I got 5 grand…" He says and handles the money back to Jack.

"5 grand? Are you fucking kidding me? It's not even close to…" His father looks pissed.

"Well, it's the best I could do in such short notice."

"Maybe you could give me one of them notes pads you use to subscribe drugs to patients…"

"What?! No. I could lose my license for that." He is shocked his father even suggested it.

"Look, Alex, just give me the notes pad, no one will know…" He says in low voice, which sends a shiver down Alex's spine.

He is about to reply when a car pulls over and two guys come out. "Jack, have you got what we need?" Alex looks at the two men and his father and gets a strong urge to just leave; he has a bad feeling regarding the whole situation, like it could get out of control in any second.

"Not exactly..." His father squirms "But I have 5 grand in cash on me, and my son here…. Well he's a doctor and he can give you his subscription pad… that got to be worth something…"

"I don't think you understand, Jack" One of the guys takes a few steps forward "The people you stole from… they are some very serious people and they do not appreciate their employees stealing from them. Now they were generous enough to let you pay back in cash instead of what you took from them. But they will not tolerate people who will take advantage of that generosity…"

Alex doesn't know how the whole thing deteriorated so fast. His father pulled out a gun, and he remembers thinking that a junky and a gun is probably not the best combination. He doesn't really remember what happened next. He heard a couple of gun shots and then felt a searing hot white pain in his stomach. He remembers falling hard to the ground, his head bouncing against the cold pavement. He remembers reaching a shaky hand to his stomach and feeling a hot sticky liquid against his fingers. Blood, his blood. He remembers hearing the two men yelling for each other to get the hell out of there before the police arrive. He remembers trying to search for his dad with his eyes, but he couldn't see him anywhere. He remembers thinking that he should probably get his cell phone, should probably call for help. But he couldn't find the strength to even lift his hand. He remembers it was pouring rain then making him cold to his bones. He remembers trying to call out for help but only his lips moved and no sound came out. And then nothing, it all went dark.

He woke up again, still lying on the pavement. He was soaking wet now and he was so cold, his teeth chattering uncontrollably. And he doesn't remember having been so cold in his life, well maybe just that one time when he went ice skating on a lake in the winter and somehow fell through the ice. But back then he was pulled out by some stranger only a few seconds later and was quickly wrapped in warm blankets. But now there is no one around. The pain is unbearable, making him so nauseous. God, his stomach feels like it's on fire, making him double over on his right side, curling into a fetal position in a futile attempt to alleviate some of the pain. He is overwhelmed by a sudden wave of nausea; not being able to fight it he starts to violently retch and heave; his stomach cramping making the pain unbearable. his mouth fills with the tasted of copper, and when he opens his eyes he can see that he vomited blood. It was bad, very bad, he can't stop thinking that he so screwed. And he is suddenly so scared. Scared that no one will find him. Scared that no one will even notice him missing. Scared he was going to die out here in this alley and that he will die all alone. His eyelids grew heavier and even though he tries his hardest he can't seem to stay awake. Eventually he just gives up and accepts the darkness. He loses consciousness again almost immediately.

Meredith is really pissed off right now. How the hell did she let Alex to talk her into his 'thanks for covering me, it's 'only a couple of hours' crap. It's already one 15 P.M and she already missed surgery. She has paged him 4 times in the past hour but he wasn't answering her calls, nor was he picking up his cell phone; she tried to call him every 15 minutes but the call went straight to voice mail every time. There goes his 'I'll be back on time, I promise'. Back on time my ass, she thinks. He is so going to pay for this; she is already planning her sweet revenge.

"Grey, page Karev, he's covering the Pit and there's a GSW on its way. ETA 4 minutes." Dr. Bailey commends her.

"Well, actually I'm covering the Pit." Meredith says, but as she gets one of Bailey's death stares she feels she has to explain. "He went to meet with his father. So I'm covering for him. He should have been back though… promised he would be back before noon and I already missed surgery…. I can't believe I let him taught me into covering for him…" She is suddenly angry again with him. Though she is more pissed at herself for agreeing to it to begin with.

"Doesn't matter, Grey. You're covering the Pit now, so let's go. Paramedics said it doesn't look good."

"George" Meredith calls out to him when she spots him near the nurse's station on their way to the ER. "Gun Shot Wound victim is just arriving at the Pit. Come on" And she gently pulls him by his scrubs shirt towards the elevator.

They arrive at the ambulance's entrance just as the ambulance pulls over, sirens still wailing in a deafening sound, and the paramedics pull out the stretcher. "Alexander Karev, 29, 2 gun shot wounds to the abdomen, only one exit wound that we could see…"

"Oh God" Meredith just stands their unable to move. "He was supposed to meet up with his father…" She says to no one in particular. Alex is lying unconscious on a back board, his head secured in a C-collar and his mouth and nose are covered by an oxygen mask, which is fogging and clearing and fogging again in a fast rhythm; too fast. An IV line is inserted into his left hand and the paramedic is holding the saline bag at head height. His cloths are only cut half way through exposing his torso and legs, and she thinks he must be doing really bad since it seems that the paramedics probably left the scene in a hurry.

"Grey, move it!!" She is suddenly pulled out of her thoughts by Dr. Bailey's command and follows the stretcher inside; George is looking at her over his shoulder looking just as shocked as she is.

"BP 90 over 50, pulse is fast 140, he's unresponsive and lost about 2 litters at the scene…."

"Okay people, on my count one… two…" On three they lift the back board Alex is lying on, and Meredith is grateful for Dr. Bailey for taking over, because right now she doesn't think she would have been able to do so. She uses all of her will power and snaps out of her numb state and into her doctor mode.

"Okay, type and cross and in the mean time let's get him started on some O-Neg." she orders around as she cuts through the rest of his scrubs until he's lying there with only his boxer shorts on completely exposed, revealing two small entry wounds just above his naval.

"Okay, let's turn him around I want to see…" Dr. Bailey says to no one in particular. George moves and stands closer to Alex, securing his head as they turn him over on to his left side. "Okay, only one exit wound just below the ribcage. O'Malley get X-ray, I want to see where the other bullet is." She says, as they lower him on his back again. In the meantime Meredith carefully removes the C-collar, when she hears Alex softly mumbling something incoherent under the oxygen mask.

"Alex, Alex, can you hear me? Open your eyes, Alex!" Dr. Bailey commends while rubbing her knuckles against his sternum. Alex only slightly moves. "GCS 6…" she continues her assessment.

"Do you want me to intubate?" George asks.

"No. not yet. Let's get a central line and try and bring his pressure up first, see how he responds" Meredith answers. She stretches up just for a second and catches a glimpse out side the trauma room, where a small crowed of nurses, interns and other members of the staff, has already gathered. "Damn it people, give him some privacy!!" she yells at them, suddenly feeling the need to protect Alex, who's lying there so exposed, unguarded and fragile. Looking nothing like the Alex she has come to know over the past couple of years. They make no attempt to move and sighing in frustration, Meredith moves to shut the blinds herself.

They all work in silence for a few minutes, hooking Alex to a heart monitor, a central line and IV lines supporting him with fluids and blood, when he suddenly starts to stir, his eyes softly flutter.

Alex wakes up and the first thing he notices is all the people around him, probing and poking him. He just wants to make them stop. Nothing really hurts now, except for when they all touch him, it feels like he's being stabbed every time they only brush against him. He tries to lift his hand to grab, who ever is pressing against his stomach but his arm doesn't seem to cooperate.

"Alex, Alex, do you know where you are?" Dr. Bailey moves to stand in his line of sight.

"Dr. Bailey?" His voice sounds weak and confused and he starts to panic. He finally manages to get his hand to cooperate enough to take the oxygen mask off.

"You're in a hospital, you were shot. Do you remember what happened?"

He was shot? What the hell? And then it all comes back to him. His father… Oh God… his own father… he was the only one with the gun…. He can feel his heart rate begin to accelerate and his breathing getting fast. "Where's….? My dad…. Where's my dad?"

"He's…. Ah… he's not here. You were brought in alone….. The paramedics found you." George answers.

The paramedics brought him in? And then he remembers it all. His father was the only on with the gun. He remembers lying scared and alone and cold in the alley. "He just left me there?" He doesn't mean to say it out loud. He can feel the tears well up in his eyes. His own father left him there to bleed to death.

Dr. Bailey, Meredith and George exchange a shocked look, letting the realization of Alex's words set in. "Alex, did your father do this to you?" George is the first one to respond.

"He didn't mean to…." It's barely above a whisper. And Alex can't fight the tears any more and starts to cry. The tears run freely along his temples wetting the sides of the bed.

"Alex, it's okay. You're safe now. Alex, try to calm down" Meredith tries to comfort him, as he clearly getting more and more agitated; the heart monitor begins to beep faster, clearly showing his distress.

Suddenly, overwhelmed by a sense of panic, he doesn't want to be there. Why don't they leave him alone? He tries to get free from them, abstractedly pulling out the IV lines and the EKG electrodes, kicking softly and flailing his arms in every direction and trying to roll on his right side. Don't they understand? He has to go home. He has to be there when his dad gets home, or he'll hurt her. He has to leave, why don't these people just let him be?

"Alex, calm down. Calm down. You'll hurt yourself. Alex!" Dr. Bailey commends, while George tries to push him back down. Meredith just stands there completely shocked.

Dr. Webber walks down the ER deep in conversation with Dr. Sloan when he spots a group of residents, interns and nurses hovering near one of the trauma rooms. "Don't you people have something to do? Because if you don't it could be easily arranged that…"

"It's Dr. Karev" A young intern answers. "He was shot. They're working on him now, but Dr. Grey wouldn't let us in…. so we just…"

They don't even wait for her to finish before they enter the trauma room. "What happened?" Dr. Sloan asks George, who is still trying to get Alex to lie back down. For someone who has just been shot and probably going into shock, Alex is pretty strong and fights him hard, nearly falling off the bed, blood running now freely from his mouth.

"We don't know exactly. He was shot. We think that it might have been his father." He answers while trying to push Alex back without hurting him even more.

"Alex, calm down, enough. Alex, stop it." They all can't seem to get him to calm down and let them take care of him.

"M'… fine…. M'… okay… Leave…. m'… alone… Get… off…. Of… m'…. I… have… to… go… home…. Get… off…" Alex slurs in a breathy voice, drawing in shallow breaths between each word.

It's Dr. Slaon, who recovers first, realizing that it this rate Alex might cause himself some serious damage. He steps closer to the bed where Alex will be able to see him. "Alex, enough!! Stop it, do you hear?!" He nearly yells at him in an authoritative tone, and Alex's reaction immediately follows. He stops fighting them, resigning he lies back on the bed, silent tears running along his face again.

"I'm…. sorry… I…. didn't…. mean… to…. I'll… be… good… I… promise" He says in a low voice sounding like a scared 10 year old. Dr. Bailey looks at him sadly before reattaching him to the IV lines and monitors, Alex doesn't even flinch; he just lies there submissively, silently crying, his eyes look glassy and hollow. He doesn't even seem to acknowledge them any more.

Meredith suddenly snaps out of it and moves closer. She places a gentle hand on Alex's shoulder and bends forward until he is able to see her. "Alex, you're in a hospital. You are safe now; no one can hurt you here. You just need to let us take care of you, okay?"

"Meredith?" He asks as though he only now notices they are still in the room. She keeps whispering soft comforting words to him until his breathing evens and the heart monitor slows down a bit, while Dr. Bailey informs the Chief and Dr. Sloan of his condition.

Alex feels so exhausted and drained. He really just wants everyone to leave him alone, but he is lucid enough now to let them attend to his injuries. Suddenly feeling so tired he fights to keep his eyelids open, but he soon gives up as he looses consciousness again.

"Alex! Alex, open your eyes" Meredith commends while rubbing his sternum. "He's unconscious again. We've got to get him to an OR." Dr. Webber steps into his Chief mode. "Baile, Grey, you scrub in. George, make sure there's no crowd. Close the gallery. And see if you can get a hold of his medical records and a contact number of his next of kin. Move it people"

George leaves and the rest prepare Alex for the transport up to the OR. "What the hell happened, Mirenda?" The Chief asks her softly. She doesn't reply, leaving the question hanging in the air.


	2. Chapter 2

George leaves the HR office on the 8th floor while scanning through Alex's medical and personal records. He can't help it, but he feels like he is invading Alex's privacy somehow. He gets this feeling that if Alex had any say in this he would have never let him anywhere near this file. He tries to ignore the endless trips to the emergency room Alex endured when he was a kid and looks for something more recent or any bit of information that might be crucial for his current medical treatment. He notices that Alex isn't allergic to anything and that his blood type is B-, anything else is irrelevant, he tells himself. He puts the medical records aside and moves on to his personal file trying to get a contact number for Alex's nest of kin, when he notices that Alex had left this part blank.

He is just about to go into the OR to give Dr. Bailey and the Chief both files when he bumps into Izzie, dropping the files, which sends several papers in every direction. He starts to pick the files up and to apologize to her, when he realizes that she is looking at him, or more accurately, starring at him.

"Is it true? What they say, about Alex? Is it true?"

"What do they say?" Maybe if he plays dumb she will just drop the subject and he won't have to be the one to break the news to her.

"That he's in the ER… something about his father…."

George picks the files and stretches up, looking at her surprised that the news didn't travel that fast. He thought that by now the entire hospital would know every single detail. He contemplates on what to say to her, after all she and Alex are kind of friends, and eventually decides to go for the simple truth.

"He was shot, Izzie. We're not exactly sure what happened but we think that his father might have shot him. The Chief and Bailey are preparing him for surgery…. Meredith is there too, and I should be…."

She doesn't even wait for George to finish his sentence; she turns around and sprints to the OR, George at her heels. She knew, she knew that something was wrong the minute that Alex said he had to do this thing involving his father; or maybe even before that when Christina had showed up, telling him that his father wants to see him, and all color had drained from his face. She grabs a surgical mask, not bothering to scrub and storms into the OR, just as they are about to administer the anesthetization. She hears Dr. Bailey and Dr. Webber discussing Alex's injuries as they examine his X-rays. She can see that the first bullet went straight through and through while the other bullet hit his 11th right rib, ricochet and hit his pelvis, where it remained, clearly visible in the film. Alex is lying flat on his back on the operating table, arms spread to his sides. She knows he's naked, though his lower body is covered in a thin blanket. His torso is attached to EKG and gauze has been applied to his wounds. He is breathing through an oxygen mask, which fogs and clears at an alarmingly fast rhythm. His eyes are slightly open to mere slits, but he seems oblivious to what's going on around him.

"Jesus, Alex" she whispers before she can control herself.

"Ah Ah, no way, no way in hell" Dr. Bailey approaches her. "Stevens, step out side" She commands as she grabs Alex's files from George.

"I want to scrub in" She says determinedly.

"Oh no, you're not. You can't help if you can't be objective on this one. We need to treat him just like any other patient".

"But I… He's not like any other patient! Look Dr. Bailey, I just… I just want to be here with him, okay?" She says quietly, pleading with her.

"I know you do" Dr. Bailey's voice softens. "I know. He's your friend; you want to be here for him. But right now your friend is lying here bleeding to death fighting for his life; right now your friend is lying here naked and exposed and probably would be scared out of his mind if he knew what's going on. Right now, your friend is….." She almost yells, when she notices Izzie's shocked face, she can clearly see how much she cares for Alex, and she softens. "The best thing you can do for him is to wait out side. You can't help him right now. We'll take good care of him, I promise, and you can be there for him when he wakes up, okay?"

Izzie simply nods and exits the OR. She contemplates on whether or not to go to the family room, which seems the most appropriate at the time, but decides to stay in the scrubbing room, where, even though she is banned from Alex's operation, she will still be able to remain close.

George follows Izzie out side, and begins to scrub for surgery. "Izzie…" She doesn't seem to notice him. "Izz" He tries again. "Izzie!" He says a bit louder and this time Izzie turns to him. "I was looking through Alex's personal file… the Chief… he asked me to… any way, there wasn't a number of his next of kin. Actually there aren't any details of his next of kin at all…"

"He doesn't…. well you saw what his father did…."

"We still don't know for sure it was his father…"

She ignores him and goes on. "I think his mom is dead. Well, he never really said it in so many words, but that was the impression I got. I think his sister is alive someplace but they're not really in touch. We're pretty much all his got…" she lets those last words hang, while George goes back inside.

The first time Alex wakes up after the surgery he's got that floating sensations. Nothing really hurts. Hell, he's not even feeling anything much. Morphine, great. So they have him hooked on the good stuff. He can barely make out his surrounding and sees he's in the ICU. He thinks that that's probably a bad sign. He wants to call for someone but he's having a really hard time just keeping his eyes open; eventually he gives up and let sleep over take him.

The next time he wakes up the floating feeling is gone. He's also out of the ICU and in a regular post op room. The first thing he notices is that he's not alone. There are two more people in the room, who he doesn't recognize, and George is also there checking the heart monitor, he is attached to.

"Good, you're up, Dr. Karev. I'm Officer Jameson and that's Officer Richards, we're with Seattle's police, we're here to ask you about the shooting" The younger officer introduced himself.

Alex shifted his gaze to George; he really didn't want to talk about that, not now, not ever. But George just stares back at him and ,makes no sign of stopping them from asking him questions.

"Can you tell us what happened?" Officer Jameson asked.

"I don't remember." He answered curtly.

"I don't believe you. See, you said that you're father did this to you, so either you lied back then or you're lying right now." Said the other Officer in a much harder tone than the younger one, and Alex almost tells them that they can take their 'good cop, bad cop' act and just shove it. When the hell did he tell anyone his father had shot him? He tries to remember.

"I don't… don't remember…. Really." He says, sounding much less confident, and shift a little in his bed, as his stomach and back starting to throb.

"Maybe you were trying to help out your old man? He shows up here, high, makes a mess out of things. Maybe you were only trying to help and things got out of hand?" Officer Richards was suggesting.

"I'm not… I wouldn't…. I don't…" He stammered. He shifts a little, tries to get comfortable, but that sends a sharp pain to his pelvis so he gives up and leans back in his bed, sighing heavily, maybe George or someone will notice and end this interview.

But he just kept on. "He shows up here after all these years. Probably short on cash; asked you to help him out. After all you are still his son. You thought you can just give him some cash, just a couple grand, for old time's sake. Maybe he had plans for more, asked you for more than just a couple of grand? Am I correct? Help me out here, Dr. Karev"

"I told you, I don't remember what happened." Alex is getting pretty anxious, why can't they just leave him alone?

"You were arrested for assault charges when you were 16, is that true, Dr. Karev?"

"What does that have to do with…. And besides…Those… those are sealed records." He whispers.

That got Georges attention. He turns to look at Alex. The young doctor is clearly in some sort of distress. His chest rise and falls in a fast rhythm and the heart monitor picks up a notch. He thinks that maybe he should stop this… this interrogation. The doctor side of him yells at him to do so, but the other part of his is curious as to what really happened. And a small part of him, he must admit, is actually happy to see Alex's distress. After all, this is the same Alex who gave him syphilis, who puts him down at any chance he gets. The same Alex, who revealed to all the other interns he is a repeater and not just the gifted intern they had originally thought. Screwed up father or not, shot or not, he has to admit he really doesn't like the guy that much and is partially enjoying to watch him squirm.

"Maybe, you just wanted to help your old man? Do him this favor and have him out of your life again?"

"It wasn't like that… I'm not… I wouldn't help his like that…."

"I thought you didn't remember what happened?"

George thinks that he should probably stop them, make them leave the room. He can clearly see that Alex is getting more and more agitated and anxious, the heart monitor beeping at an alarming rate. But he just let them get on with it, part of him curious to hear the truth first hand from Alex. .

"We took a good look at your medical records here…" Officer Jameson takes over. "You were admitted 11 times to the hospital growing up, and I stopped counting the ER visits after 20. By the time you were 15 you had broken 26 ribs all together; your wrists 8 times; your collar bone 5 times and you cracked your skull twice…."

"Stop… please…." He couldn't take it anymore. His breathing was getting faster and faster. He could feel his heart beat like drums in his ears and he couldn't get comfortable in any position he trie. "Please… it's… please stop…." But the Officer just went on.

"And I left out all the times you brought your mother to the hospital over the years. So maybe you weren't there to help him after all, maybe you went to confront him, didn't want to do it in the hospital in front of all your colleagues and friends, and things just got out of hand….?"

"No… you don't understand… it wasn't like that….. I don't remember…."

"Make out your mind. What is it? You don't remember, or was it different from our original theory?!" Jameson says, nearly shouting in frustration. So much for the good cop, Alex thinks.

Alex looked at George, begging him, pleading him with his eyes to make it stop, he knows how pathetic he looks, and how miserable he appears, but he doesn't care, he just wants them to stop, stop taunting him with their questions. But George only adjusts a few things in his IV and lets the cops questioning continue.

"Your sister was taken out of the house when she was 13… you were 8, for suspicion of sexual abuse…"

That was it. George will kick himself mentally later for letting things get this far, but right now he doesn't care, all he wants is to get them out of the room, and stabilize Alex's breathing and heart beat.

He can't even think. The minute the Officer brought up his sister, he became completely numb; he wouldn't be able to answer their questions even if he wanted to. He tries to take deep slow breaths, but there is a pain in his chest so sharp and intense that he can't help it but take shallow breaths. He knows he's hyperventilating and that he should really get his breathing under control but he can't. He can't think past the white hot pain in his chest that literally steals his breath away; the edges of his vision begin to blur and there are dark spots before his eyes, so he squeezes his eyes shuts, pressing his lips together to a thin line and concentrates on not vomiting all over the two officers.

"Alex? Alex?" George asks frantically as he pushes the emergency button near the bed and places an oxygen mask over his face. The monitors begin to beep in alarm.

"What's wrong with him?"

"I don't know. Alex what's wrong?"

"Chest…." It's all he can say.

"Chest? Are you having chest pains?"

Alex simply nods.

"Is it bad? What does it mean?" The older Officer asks, just as Dr. Bailey and Meredith storm into the room.

"What the hell happened? He was stabilized when I checked on him only half an hour ago.

"His breathing is erratic and fast at almost 60 breaths a minute. He was complaining of chest pains and his blood oxygen levels dropped to 70." George updates them.

"He's clotting. Meredith, get an OR and page Hahn just in case will have to open his chest." Dr. Bailey commands, trying to hide her panic. Meredith leaves the room patting Alex's shoulder on her way out just to let him know she's there, while they prepare to move his bed. Alex still doesn't open his eyes. "You…." Dr. Bailey addresses the two officers. "What are you doing here? I told you, you couldn't interview him just yet and told you to stay out of his room. Who authorized it?" She asks angrily.

"I did" George answers quietly. Dr. Bailey gives him the death stare before averting her attention to Alex. "Alex, you have a blood clot in your chest, we're taking you to surgery, okay? Can you hear me?" She tries to get him to respond, but he doesn't even flinch. "I'll deal with you later" she addresses George "right now we got to get him to the OR as fast as possible. O'Malley, start him on Heparin. Move out of the way!!" She shouts at the stunned Officers as they roll the bed out of the room.

Izzie know something is wrong the minutes she gets out of the elevator to go visit Alex. She can see there's quite a commotion in his room and feels her panic levels increase. As she gets closer she can see that George and Dr. Bailey are moving him from his room in a hurry. Alex lies there semi-conscious, his eyes only slightly open and his lips pressed so tight that they form a thin white line "What's wrong? Alex? What happened?" She asks George.

"A blood clot… we're taking him to surgery.

"I'm coming with you."

Dr. Bailey looks at her ready to argue. "You won't keep me out this time" Izzie says determinedly.

"Fine, you can scrub in. But you are not to participate in the surgery. I don't want to do it under general anesthetization unless I have to. So I'm only allowing you there to calm him down, clear?" Dr. Bailey asks and Izzie just nods.

"I really don't remember what happened" Alex says to Izzie in the OR. Him voice is muffled by the oxygen mask so he reaches a shaky hand and removes it. He is lying once again on the operating table as Dr. Bailey, Hahn, Meredith and George work on getting the clot through his inferior vena cava. As he speaks, they suddenly all get very quiet.

"You don't have to talk about it…." Izzie assures him.

He ignores her comment and continues. "My dad was short on cash. I managed to scrap a few grands and was supposed to meet him in this place not far by. But he wanted more…. I don't see him for 14 years and he's pissed at me because I didn't bring him enough cash…." He almost chuckles to himself, as the rest exchange a meaningful look. "He wanted me to bring him my subscription pad…. But I wouldn't… and then there were two guys… I don't know who they were…. He stole something of theirs…. I don't know…. I don't…." His breathing is getting erratic and Dr. Bailey motions for Izzie to get him to calm down. "He pulled out a gun….. my dad…. He was the only one with a gun…. I don't know what happened next…. I heard gun shots and then… pain…. And then I was lying there… I was going to die there… and he…. He didn't even…. He left me….."

"Alex, Alex, it's okay…. I want you to breathe with me, okay? Can you do that? breathe with me nice and slowly…" Izzie puts the oxygen mask back on and draws in a slow deep breath. She waits for Alex to the same, before slowly exhaling along with him. She repeats this for several more times until his breathing evens.

"I'm really tired Izz…." He slurs. Izzie just strokes his face until he falls asleep. "You'll take care of him?" She half asks, half commands, Dr. Hahn, before walking out the OR, tears her mask off her face and wipes her tears.

"You let the police talk to him the minute he woke up?!" Alex can hear Dr. Bailey yelling at someone. He turns his head a bit to his right and sees Bailey and George standing by the nurse's station at the ICU. Back to the ICU, that's just great, he thinks. "You let the police interrogate him, before we… before I had a chance to talk to him? You let the police interrogate him before you told him he is going to make a full recovery? What the hell is wrong with you?" She seems on a rampage and Alex can't help but feel a bit sorry for the guy.

"Look, the blood clot had nothing to do with…" George begins to explain before Dr. Bailey cuts him.

"It's not about the blood clot. It's about Alex Karev. It doesn't matter how much you hate the guy. When he is admitted to this hospital, when he is my patient, when he is your patient you treat him just like any other patient. You wouldn't have let something like this to take place had it been someone else." She speaks quietly now, and George feels like a kid who let someone down."

"I know, I'm sorry, I should have never let them…"

"No you shouldn't have and you damn right this will never happen again, but I'm not the one you need to apologize for..." She says before walking out of Alex eye sight leaving George standing there staring at him, noticing that he is awake.

God, he feels so exposed. He is lying flat on his back in one of the ICU beds in an uncomfortable position, making it hard for him to see what surrounds him, but make it easy for other people to be watching him. A lot of people. He never really paid any attention to how exposed the patients in the ICU are, and to how many people walk by and can see everything that happens to them. This sucked. He can tell he is naked under the thin cover of the bed, and his torso is completely uncovered making him slightly cold. The dressings of his wounds cover almost his entire lower abdomen and are soaking wet with blood. Probably one of the sides affect of the Heparin he had been given before to prevent further clotting, and even though he knows it's a perfectly normal reaction to the drug he still thinks it's a scary sight, especially on you own body. It also means that he will probably be spending some time in the ICU. Great.

He sees George approaching his bed and before he even opens his mouth Alex tells him in a raspy voice, that it's okay. Wasn't his fault any way. Wasn't the cops' either, they were just doing their job, and that there is really only one person to blame. George just stares back at him, and that makes him feel uneasy so he tells him that he's pretty tired and asks him to leave. He waits until he is certain that no one is coming to visit him or check up on him, before he lets his eyes close. He is fast asleep within seconds.

"Why am I doing this again?" Christina asks Meredith and Izzie.

"Because…." Izzie starts to explain it to her like she is talking to a four year old child "He is Alex. And he doesn't have any one. And because he was shot. And then clotted and now he is lying in the ICU and we don't want to leave him there alone."

"He's our people, Christina" Meredith says seriously "And this is what we do for our people… so we took turns… to stay with him. And because we both have surgeries" She says, referring to Izzie and herself "And George already stayed with him, it's your turn."

"Fine" Christina finally caves in. "But as soon as he leaves this hospital, as a patient anyways, I want you to forget I even agreed to it."

"Deal" Izzie and Meredith say simultaneously.

Christina walks into the ICU and slumps to a chair near Alex's bed. He seems to be sleeping, which kind of works the best for her, so she just goes over his chart. God, maybe she should call her interns to have a look; he's the perfect example for post-op complications. First, the blood clot and now what appears to be pneumonia, causing a slightly alarming fever. She studies him in his sleep. His brows are frown and his face and torso shine in perspiration. The bandages also need to be changed; she makes a mental note to talk to one of the nurses about that. She checks to see that there is no one watching and grabs a small towel; damping it in cool water she begins to stroke Alex's heated body.

He suddenly stirs and his eyes flutter open, making Christina stop immediately. "God, Yang, I never knew you felt this way about me…."

"In your dreams evil spawn" She responds in their usual bender as she puts the towel down.

"You don't have to babysit me, you know" he tells her "if you don't want to…" he adds.

"We took turns, and I'm not going to argue about it with Izzie, it might turn ugly."

He doesn't say anything. Can't think of a single wise ass, out of place sort of comment, like he usually does.

"Alex, do you want me to call any one? You didn't list a next of kin contact…."

"There's no one" he says curtly trying to sound authoritative enough so she would drop the subject.

"There's no one? No family, no one from back home, you want us to call? I find it hard to believe."

"Believe what you want" He mumbles, and for a split seconds he thinks she looks hurt; offended at least, and he thinks that it's weird because this is Christina, she doesn't do hurt or offended, most definitely not by him. "Look, my mom is dead and I haven't been in touch with my sister in years… And you saw my old man…. And with all that's happened…. "

"Okay." She doesn't push the subject. Alex seems like he has fallen asleep again; his eyes close and his chest is raising and falling in an even rhythm. "Alex?" she doesn't wait for him to acknowledge her "I have seen your father and I have reviewed you chart… And for what it's worth, I think you turned out just fine. You will be just fine" she comforts him while he lets sleep to take over him.


	3. Chapter 3

Alex stares at his destination- the chair across the room, right by the window

Alex stares at his destination- the chair across the room, right by the window. It's not all that far, only about 5-6 normal strides, but right now it seems practically impossible. It's taken him almost 15 minutes just to get to this painfully sitting position and to disconnect himself from the various IV lines and machines he was attached to. At least he was smart enough to turn the machines off first, so he wouldn't alarm any one. Now that he's been removed from the ICU and into a regular room there aren't that many people around so it makes what he is about to do a lot easier.

So he is currently sitting now at the edge of the hospital bed, wearing sweat pants and his old Iowa State Sweat shirt that Meredith and Izzie brought him earlier, and staring at the chair, trying to gather the energy to stand up and walk over there. His back and abdomen throb already just from sitting for a few minutes, and he can feel the stitches pull at his wounds. His pelvis also throbs making it almost unbearable to sit. He feels slightly nauseous from the exertion and his face is covered in sheen of sweat.

He knows that what he is about to do is probably not the smartest thing to do in his condition. The doctor part of his telling him that it's quite risky to get up and start moving around mere hours after two extensive surgeries, while he is still on blood thinners and slightly feverish from his post-op pneumonia. His body also scrims at him for morphine, which he hasn't taken in quite some time and is now starting to feel the effect. He just hurt all over.

But he also knows that if he wants to get home as fast as possible he has to be walking around and not depended on pain killers, and to be honest with himself, even though he is a surgeon at Seattle Grace he can't stand the thought of spending another minute there as a patient. So he stares at the chair, gathering all of his energy to get there. He tells himself to suck it up, to get through the pain and slowly and painfully pushes himself of the bed into a standing position; his pelvis throbbing from the change in positions. He sways a little on his feet and grabs the bedside table to steady himself. The nausea has picked up a notch too, and he is almost certain he is going to throw up all over the floor. So he shuts his eyes and swallows hard until the room stops spinning and the nausea subsides.

He then focuses again on the chair and slowly shuffles his way across the room. By the time he is half way through, almost 10 minutes later, he is already panting and slightly coughing and sweat drips into his eyes, making them burn and quite hard to see where he is headed. His breathing is too fast and shallow and the edges of his vision begin to grey. He realizes now that is was a very stupid idea, even on his scale. He tries to find something to hold on to, before he passes out right there and then in the middle of the room, but there is nothing close to him. he turns his head only a bit to his left to measure the distance back to his hospital bed, this comfortable supporting bed…. But it seems just as far as the chair, so he might as well just try to finish what he started and to hope he won't pass out half way through it. He takes a few deep breaths and resumes his slow and painful journey across the room.

He almost makes it, he can see the chair right there and reaches a shaky hand to hold onto it, when someone calls out his name, making his blood run cold; making him freeze on the spot.

"Alex…." His father calls out again.

Alex makes no move to even acknowledge him, but he makes no move to grab the chair and finally rest either.

"Alex, look at me…" Jack continues, though to Alex's surprise there is no anger in his voice, only sorrow.

Alex slowly stretches up, the best the stitches allow him and turns around to face him.

"Oh God, Alex…. I'm so…. Sorry…. I didn't mean to…." His father says, and Alex can't help but think that he actually sounds like he cares. But then he remembers what it felt like to wake up in the alley, forget the pain…. The feeling of loneliness of helplessness… how scared he was thinking he would die alone… that his own father had shot him and left him there to bleed to death, not even calling for help.

"Get out" He hisses, "Get the hell out". He starts walking beckoning his father towards the door.

"Alex, look… I'm sorry, really, I am…." He starts to apologize again.

"I don't care!! Just get out!!" He is yelling now, doesn't even care that everyone on the surgical floor can hear him.

"I was high… I didn't know what I was doing…."

"I don't care!!" Alex takes several more steps towards his father, practically pushing him out. They're standing in the entrance to his room now, and all the shouting and yelling have already drawn attention to them, forming a small crowed around the nurse's station.

"You are always high. That's always been your excuse. Always. Even with mom. You just left me there, didn't even call for help…"

Miranda Bailey has had enough. She just came to pick up some charts when all the yelling had started. It didn't take her long to figure out that the older man in front of Alex is his father… his father, who shot him. And now Alex is standing there, yelling at his father to leave. He is clearly in pain; stands slightly hunched over, his left arm protecting his stomach. He shouldn't even be out of bed, let alone walking, or pushing his father out. She is about to interrupt, when she feels someone gently grabbing her arm.

"Don't" Izzie says "He needs to do this." She nods in response and decides to hold back for now, just looking at the scene playing in front of her, ready to move if that man so much as threatens to touch her resident's hair.

"Alex… I told you I was high…"

"I don't care… I don't care any more!! I don't want anything to do with you anymore!! I don't want to ever see you again. Just get out!! Get the hell out!!" Alex shouts, physically pushes the man out. He doesn't know where he gets the energy from, he can hardly breathe; a while back he felt a few stitches on his back tear open and now he can feel small trickles of blood slowly dripping down his back; he can hardly stand up straight and the nausea is so bad he thinks he might end up throwing up all over his old man. Going on nothing but adrenalin he'd rather endure the pain than to let his father notice his weakness.

"I said get out!! Leave me alone!! Get out of I'll tell the cops all about your little drug deal gone bad and how I really ended up here…" He warns.

"You wouldn't… you wouldn't put your own father in jail" Jack actually starts to worry now.

"You just try me."

His father stares at him for a few seconds trying to decide whether he's being serious or not and then turns around and leaves.

It takes Alex all of his remaining energy and will power to hold himself upright. Just a little more, he tells himself; just until he gets in the elevator. He swallows hard as another wave of dizziness and nausea threatens to bring him down. The room spins dangerously around him and he does his best not to pass out until his father is out of sight.

The minute the elevator doors close, shutting his father out of view, Alex feels all energy and adrenalin drain from his body. The pain is also back, white hot stabbing pain. He can't hold it anymore. He puts his right arm against the wall to steady himself, while his left arm is still wrapped protectively around his stomach; not able to hold himself upright anymore, he doubles over and vomits all over the floor, the heaving causing his back muscles to cramp, only increasing the pain, making it unbearable. God, he could really have used the morphine right now. And then his body simply gives up, got no more fight in him, he feels his knees buckle as he starts to fall forward, as his body goes limp.

Suddenly Alex feels strong hands around him, steadying him. And then he feels a lot of hands on him, lifting him, moving him around. He wants to tell them to stop it, stop touching him, that it hurts, but he can't think past the pain. Someone cuts his shirt and attaches him to the EKG again, and the IV lines are also inserted again. He only vaguely aware of his surrounding, he wants to tell them to leave the shirt on and not to tear it; that he's had it since college that he passed some good times and some bad times wearing this shirt; that it is one of his few possessions that still reminded him of home… He then feels that someone presses an oxygen mask around his mouth and nose and it feels good to be finally able to take a deep cleansing breath, letting his lungs expand. The oxygen and the fact that he is finally the one that's been taken care of takes some of his panic away. He can feel someone stroking his hair, telling him that everything is going to be alright, and for just a split second he allows himself to believe that. Then there is a cold sensation slowly working its way up his arm and then the familiar sensation of floating. Morphine. He can't help but smile, and then he lets his body relax and give in to the drug, as he drifts into a comfortable, painless, dreamless sleep.

--

He wakes up once, the feeling of floating still surrounding him and vaguely makes out the distinct features of Dr. Sloan, suturing his abdominal wounds. He thinks that this is probably for the best, that that way he won't have a scar, but then he thinks that Sloan is probably doing it because the Chief asked him to, or out of pity; certainly not because he cares. It doesn't matter either way, he tells himself as he drifts back to sleep.

He wakes up next, a little more lucid to the sounds of Meredith's interns during rounds. He finds it quite embarrassing to be talked about in such a manner. He's never given it much thought, what it feels like to patients when they are being presented like that to other doctors. He rubs a hand over his face, trying to look more awake when they enter, more like his old self. The group of doctor enters the room along with Dr. Bailey and the Chief and he thinks that there are a lot of people there, too much and he suddenly feels crowded.

"Dr. Karev, how are you feeling today?" The Chief asks a little to cheerfully for Alex's liking.

"Better, sir, thank you." He replies politely.

"Okay, who's presenting?"

"Alex Karev, 29, brought 4 days ago with two gun shot wounds. Had a ruptured spleen, which was fixed during surgery and a fractured pelvis. Suffered a blood clot immediately after surgery, which was removed through the inferior vena cava, without opening the chest and also developed pneumonia" George presents.

"How do we precede, Dr. O'Malley?" The Chief asks.

"We keep him on low dosage of Heparin to prevent further clotting, and start him on broad range antibiotics for the pneumonia. If his fever spikes over 103 we should consider transferring him back to the ICU as a precaution."

"Also make sure you monitor his condition every hour or two." The Chief adds.

"When can I go home?" He finally asks.

"He's kidding right?" Alex can hear one of the new interns says in the back, and for a split second every head turns in her direction.

"You are kidding? Right? I mean, Alex, you don't seriously think you are well enough to go home. You saw what happened yesterday when you only tried to…." Meredith tries to reason with him but he cuts her before she can go on any further.

"It's tomorrow?" When the hell did that happen?

"Alex" It's Dr. Bailey's turn to try and get him to listen. "Look, you've suffered some severe injuries; you've had two major surgeries in less than 2 days; you are still on blood thinners and you have pneumonia." She says grimly and he thinks that this is a very bad way to try and cheer him up. "I don't want to worry you, but you are a doctor so you already know that it's going to be a while before you can go home. And even after you've been released there is still a lot of work for you with physical therapy before you make a full recovery." She just gives it to him straight. "So it's going to be a while. You just have to be patient and don't push yourself to much, okay? I don't want you to cause any further damage by doing things too soon, okay?"

He sighs in frustration and sinks deeper into his pillow. This sucks. He can feel the tears well up in his eyes and has to use all of his will power to keep them inside and not to break down crying in front of everyone.

"Yeah, Yeah, okay…"

"Okay, everyone let's just move on to room 1326." Meredith ushers her interns and the rest of the doctors out, sensing that Alex probably wants to be left alone. Once they all leave and it's just the two of them she addresses him.

"Alex, are you okay? I mean we all saw what happened with your father the other day…."

"I'm fine, Meredith, okay? And nothing happened with my father…. I don't… I don't want to talk about it, okay?"

"Okay. Look, it's fine if you don't want to talk to me. But I'm still your doctor, so I just wanted to giver you the heads up…. I ah… I called for psych to come down and talk to you…"

"What? You did what? Why… why would you do that?" He snaps at her, suddenly angry. She has no right.

"I personally think that it would be good for you to talk to some one about all that's happened. I mean, you've just been shot, you've been through a lot, and it wouldn't hurt to share someone, a professional.

"You had no right, doing that, and behind my back!!" He hisses in anger.

"It's not behind you're back… that's why I told you. And besides, I'm not doing this to you…. The Chief and Bailey, they thought it was a good idea and they ah… they made me…."

He looks at her and decides to take her word on it. "I guess it can't hurt" He says, because he senses that that's what she wants to hear.

"Really?" She sounds surprised. "Okay, good. Now I have to go finish rounds, you'll be okay here for a while?" She asks.

"Yeah, I'll be fine, I don't need babysitting" He assures her.

As she leaves he sighs again and slams his fist into the mattress. It's going to be a very long day.

--

Alex sits by the window in a wheelchair across from a psychiatry resident. He's getting pretty uncomfortable and his pelvis hurt like hell, but he makes no attempt to move.

It took him almost 10 minutes to get from the bed and into the chair with the help of Olivia, Alex feeling embarrassed the whole time having to relay on her, literally. He tried to take some of his weight off but it wasn't working well, until she snapped at him and told him to just let her do her job and that he's got nothing she hasn't seen before, which made him even more embarrassed. But eventually they made it and he thought that for someone her size she is surprisingly strong.

Olivia just moved him by the window when a young female doctor entered his room; introducing herself as Dr. Andrews from psych. Alex already knew who she was. She started her internship with him; he had met her the first day and several times since then, when she came for a consult after he had paged psych. He always thought that she was kind of cute and even asked her out a few times. She always politely declined.

She sat across from him by the window.

"Dr. Karev, how are you feeling?"

"I'm okay." He felt awkward already.

"You were shot 3 days ago, apparently by you're father. A father, who, as it looks from you records had abused you growing up. I don't think that anyone would be fine so soon after something like that" She summarized everything in a sort of a detached manner.

"You don't know that that's what happened." He spat.

"I just met the police out side. They gave me the headlights of the statement you've just given them." She didn't seem to be taken a back by his remark. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

"I thought you said you already talked to the cops. If you already know the answer, why do you even bother to ask?" He got pretty pissed. That's exactly the reason why he doesn't talk to shrinks.

"I want to hear you say it in you own words. It helps sometimes to say it out loud."

"I don't want to talk about it, about any of it, any more, okay? Don't take it personally, doctor, I just don't like your kind…" He half smiled.

"It's takes more than that to hurt my feelings, Dr. Karev." She smiled back. "What do you want to talk about?"

"How about… what's you're favorite color? What's your favorite movie? What do you do on your nights off?" He tried his best tactic. To try and make this conversation not about him.

"How about you give me a straight answer?" She says back.

He stared at her and did not reply. That was almost 40 minutes ago. Neither has said a word since. Alex just stared out side, tried to picture himself outside feeling the slight drizzle over his skin. He counted 52 people going into the hospital. 27 going out. 17 were in wheelchairs. 38 women all together; 20 out of them he would be gladly to go out with; 18 wouldn't make him so much as turn his head in their direction. He tried to focus on anything other than his current pathetic state or the Shrink sitting across from him, studying him and making notes in her pad.

He is really in pain now and has quite some difficulty trying to hide it. He suddenly misses the hospital bed, the comfortable bed where he can lye down. He misses the horizontal position. Sitting for this long starts to take its toll. There are small droplets of sweat already formed on his forehead and his upper lip from the exertion of supporting himself sitting up. He shifts a little trying to get more comfortable, to ease some of the strain on his pelvis and back, and winces in pain as something rubs against his stitches on his back. He can't help it but to hiss in pain.

"Are you okay, Dr. Karev? Should I call anyone?" She finally breaks the silence.

"No…. no. I'm fine. It just… I haven't…. I'm fine, just tired." He spares her his discomfort.

"Okay then. I have to go now. I'll come again. Maybe next time you'll be more willing to talk and won't pull the whole 'Good, Will Hunting' thing on me."

He can't help but smile at that.

--

Izzie stops by Alex's room before heading home. Christina is on call tonight and they all agreed that she will drop in to check on him during the night, but she just wants to see him before she leaves.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" She asks as she pulls a chair and sits next to him.

"Izzie, can you…? Can we not…? I just don't want to talk, okay? I talked to the police and then someone from psych dropped by, so can we just not…?" He almost begged her.

"Do you want me to leave?" She asks as she gets up from her chair and motions with her left thumb towards the door, looking just a little bit hurt.

"No…" He almost yells, suddenly panics at the thought of being left alone. "No, I don't want you to leave… just…" He doesn't complete his sentence.

"Do you want me to sit here with you without talking?" Her voice softens as she finally understands. She sits back down resting her feet on the bed and watches him as he clearly relaxes, eyes closed. She waits until his breath is even and she is sure he's asleep before she heads home and calls it a day.


	4. Chapter 4

Finally. Alex takes a deep breath of fresh air. He inhales slowly through his nose smelling a hint of that scent that lingers in the air after the rain. He remembers that when he first moved to Seattle he hated the rain; the constant dampness; the way he always seemed to get to work soaking wet. But now he can't seem to get enough of it. He lets the cold air feel his lungs, before exhaling; watching the small cloud of mist coming out of his mouth. God, it feels so good just to be outside.

He hasn't been outside the hospital for a week, and he was getting more and more claustrophobic by the minute; he also would never admit this to anyone, but he is also feeling a bit of home sick. Funny, it's the first time that he can remember ever feeling at home someplace.

Getting out was relatively easy. He chose to leave just as the morning shift ended and the afternoon shift was about to start, so that no one was really paying attention. He walked; well shuffled would be a more accurate description, as quickly as his broken body would allow him to the elevator without being detected and then prayed that no one would get in the elevator as he was descending to the ground floor. Lucky for him, his prayers were answered and he was soon out side; only slightly disappointed that no one had noticed him gone.

He didn't get all that far, just rounded the corner outside the building. But even that little journey had left him panting and slightly sweating, the world tilting dangerously around him until he had to lower himself to sit on the wet ground leaning against the wall before he would pass out; his back and pelvis only slightly protested. He knows it's too soon; he knows he is pushing himself too far once again; he knows there are people right now that are looking for him, probably pissed off, or maybe worried, he secretly hopes; but he doesn't care. He hasn't been outside for a week and he was going insane. He closes his eyes for a few seconds, willing the world to stop spinning in front of his eyes and takes several more deep breaths; focusing on the wet mud under his fingers and the slight drizzle over his face. He thinks he gets it now, why Ava was so emotional back than when he first took her outside after all that time; he never really understood just how depressing the hospital can be when you take out the inappropriate sex in the on call rooms, or the lunches in the coma patient's rooms or the surgeries….

God, how the hell did his life come to this? That the highlight of his day was that he managed to take a shower all by himself, with the physical therapist waiting and encouraging him from out side the door. At first she had wanted to come a long with him, and though usually he would have jumped at the opportunity to have a woman joining him in the shower, now it just made him feel pathetic and more depressed.

He can feel the tears well up in his eyes again; it seems to happen quite a lot lately; but he angrily wishes them away; it won't make what he is about to do any easier if he falls apart again. He tries to think about how good it felt only minutes ago when he had finally stepped out side; or about the possibility of being discharged next week if his progress continues at this rate, as Dr. Bailey said during rounds this morning; or about being back to work and being able to operate again, God how he misses it, nothing like a good open heart surgery to cheer him up…. But he doesn't let himself being carried away, he knows it's still going to be awhile before they would let him back, and even that they would probably only let him do paper work or cover the clinic or what ever they let people, who were shot and can barely stand up for more that 40 minutes, do.

He sighs loudly, and tries to find some comfort in the thought that at least life can't get any worse then this….

After a while he finally picks up the phone that was his purpose for coming out in the first place and dials a number so familiar and strange all at once. He counts a dial tone for 6 times and is just about to hang up, when he hears a muffle sound on the other line.

"Hello?"

Her voice is so soft and familiar that it catches him completely off guard and he can't seem to find his voice.

"Hello? Who is this?"

"Em? It's me…." He finally answers. He is not sure at first that she even recognizes him when she doesn't answer at first.

"Em? Emily? You there?"

"Alex…." He can clearly hear her exhaling. "What's wrong?"

He doesn't reply for a few seconds. Maybe this is all a mistake…. Maybe he should just deal with his problems and leave her out of it… why drag her through all this shit when he can spare her the pain simply by not revealing anything to her?

"Alex? Alex, what happened? What's wrong?" She asks again, sounding worried.

"Ah… I… Ah… Jack was here…" He finally blurts out. When she doesn't speak for a while Alex can't help but wonder if he even said it out loud or just played the sentence in his head.

"Em? Did you hear me? I said that Jack came by… and…"

"I heard you." Her voice is cold, all worry and concern now gone. "I can't do this…" She whispers after a few seconds.

"He… Ah… He shot me…." He says, ignoring her last comment. "At least I think he did…." He adds.

"I can't do this, Alex…"

"What?"

"I can't, Alex… God… are you okay?"

"Yeah… yeah… I'm fine…." He decides that this little white lie can't hurt.

"I'm sorry…. I can't…."

"Emily, what are you talking about? Can't what?"

"I… I…. can't… I'm sorry…." She says again. "I have to go…"

And then she hangs up. Alex waits holding the phone in his left hand, still glued to his ear, not even hearing the busy tone. After a while he hangs up and then he can't fight the tears any more. He continues to sit on the wet cold ground; puts his head between his knees and silently cries, letting the tears roll down his cheeks and stain his pants.

After a few seconds he tells himself to hold it together; to get a grip. He straightens up a bit, sniffles and wipes the tears with the back of his hand. That went well, he thinks.

--

He doesn't know how long he sits there, but he's guessing it's for quite some time- his butt and his legs feel numb. He also realizes that he's cold and that he should probably get inside, especially with the pneumonia and all, but he makes no attempt to move.

Suddenly he sees some one walking fast towards him. He recognizes Christina as she approaches but once she gets closer he doesn't think that she is there because of him. She seems troubled and Alex can tell even from a distance that she is hyperventilating slightly. She starts to pace just a few yards from him; the back of her right hand rubbing against her forehead. He can tell that she tries to get herself under control. It seems weird; he can't remember ever seeing her not in control; even after Burk left; even when Meredith was lying in a hospital bed fighting for her life. He finds it some how comforting to know that even the perfect Christina, the robot, is also human like the rest of the world.

She suddenly seems to acknowledge him. All signs of weakness gone. She drops her right hand, and fixes her hair a bit with her left, as she approaches near him.

"What are you doing out here?" She asks evenly without sounding mad or worried.

He shrugs. "What's wrong?" He asks her.

"Nothing's wrong… I'm fine." She doesn't sound fine. "Aren't you cold?" She asks as she rubs her palms to warm up.

"Yeah… I guess I am…" There is no point in lying. He is practically freezing by now.

"Everybody is looking for you… you should probably go back inside."

"Probably." He answers back but doesn't move.

Christina lowers herself to sit by his side. Alex stares at a spot by his feet and that gives her a chance to study him. He sits with his knees bent and his arms crossed behind his thighs. He is definitely cold. His lips got a slightly bluish color, and she doesn't know if it's because of his low levels of blood oxygen, due to the pneumonia or because of the weather. He looks like he's been crying, but she could be wrong… she is probably wrong… Alex doesn't do crying. But then again there were a lot of surprises regarding him this past week. In any case the guy definitely looks beat down and worn out. She doesn't know what to say to him. What to say to make it better, or at least a little bearable.

"A patient died. You know the 11 year old with a brain tumor?" She answers his question from before.

He nods, appreciating her honesty. "Can we just sit hear for a little longer?" He asks, hating the way he sounds like a five year old asking his parents for permission. "I mean… you don't have to stay if you don't want to… but I just can't…. I can't go back just yet, okay?" He doesn't look her in the eye just stares at his feet like the hospital slippers were the most interesting thing in the world.

Christina doesn't answer but she doesn't move either. To be honest with herself she doesn't feel like going back inside herself. She stretches her arm to the back, leans on them and inhales deeply. Letting the cold air feel her lungs and the drizzle wet her face, slowly relaxing.

They sit there in silence for a few minutes and then Christina gets up wiping the dirt from her hands and her pants.

"We should probably go back now…"

"Yeah" Alex tries to brace himself for the effort of getting up. He puts his right hand on the wall for support so he doesn't have to face Christina while doing it; he doesn't need her help or her pity, he can do this, he tells himself. He shifts some of weight to his feet and can't stop himself before a small hiss of pain escapes his lips. God, that hurt.

Christina doesn't know if she should help him. From the way that he positioned himself she gets the feeling that he doesn't want her help, but he seems like he is about to fall flat on his ass any second. He also seems to be in some pain or at least a little discomfort. She decides to let him handle it by himself for a little longer.

He shifts the rest of his weight, taking slow control breaths against the pain, wipes the sweat from his forehead and finally pushes himself up, swaying a little on his feet; a small smile of triumph spreading across his face. Thank God for small triumphs. He waits until he is sure he is steady enough walk by himself and turns around, facing Christina. They slowly make their way back inside; Alex shuffling slower than ever, his breathing fast and shallow.

It takes them nearly 20 minutes to get to the elevator. And Alex is grateful that they didn't come across anyone they know. By the time they finally step inside he is just about ready to drop at his feet. He is exhausted and can barely keep himself up right. He hunches slightly over, resting his hands on the railing to alleviate some of the pressure on his pelvis and back and focuses on getting his breathing under control. As the doors close Christina presses the button sending them back to the surgical floor. If she is in a hurry or has to be someplace else, she doesn't say a word.

--

"I called my sister." He can see he caught her off guard. She seems surprised, looking at him over her charts. They have been sitting in his room for the past 20 minutes without speaking; he kept his eyes fixed on the far side of the room and she reviewed her patient's charts; completely in silence.

Dr. Rachel Andrews came by only once after their first meeting, not including the current one. Alex had just finished a session of physical therapy and felt sore all over, tired, pissed off and generally miserable. "I don't feel like talking." He said bluntly the minute she had set foot in his room.

"That's okay, I can use the time. I brought some paper work." She said holding out some charts and set on a near by chair. They didn't speak at all through out the entire session.

This meeting started the same until he finally spoke.

"Have you been in touch at all? I mean not just since the shooting." She asks. He knows she already knows the answer to that question. Probably knows every last bit of information regarding his family and his past. After all it is her job to know these things. But he also knows she has to ask, to get him to talk some more.

"No. Not really. Last time I talked to her was before I graduated from med school. I called to invite her to the graduation. She didn't come…" He adds that last part in almost a whisper.

"God. I miss surgery." He changes the subject; Dr. Andrews raises an eyebrow.

"I can't explain it to you… your kind… you don't get it. I miss the rush you get when you cut someone open, when you hold someone's life in your hand….. and besides, I'm stuck here all day; today was the first time I went outside, and even that little break was unauthorized. I can't help it Rachel, I'm bored out of my mind…." He makes a mental note to check with Dr. Bailey and the Chief when do they think he will be able to come back to work. At least it will give him something to focus on, to wait for.

"Is it hot in here? I feel hot…" He mumbles.

"No, it's actually kind of chilly in here."

A fever. Great. "They'll never discharge me next week." He says it more to himself than to her.

"What do you mean? Why not?" She plays along, avoiding the subject of his conversation with his sister.

"I have this low fever for a few days. It doesn't seem to go away…" He can feel the fever has gone up a bit. The drugs Meredith subscribed to lower his fever starting to wear off.

"What's causing it? I thought you were progressing well…" She sounds genuinely concerned.

"I don't know… could be an infection…. Or the pneumonia, maybe…."

"God, you are miserable, aren't you?" She asks him with a smile, treating him like a 6 year old who's trying to skip school, saying he's got a tummy ache.

"I'm that bad, hah?" He chuckles slightly, rubbing his hand over his overly heated face. "I'm sorry. I'm not usually like this. You just caught me in a very bad week…."

"I know… I've had the pleasure of meeting you under different circumstances. And besides, I've had worse…"

"What's the comparison? Your patients up at the closed psych ward?" He smiles back.

"What did she say?" Dr. Andrews asks. Her professionalism back on; the smile also gone. So it's back to business then.

"I don't know exactly…"

"What do you mean? You said you called your sister. You didn't talk to her?" She asks, confused.

"Yeah I talked to her. But she… well, she didn't really talk back. Kept saying that she couldn't do this. Asked me if I'm okay, didn't really wait for an answer. And then she hung up. First conversation we have in two year…" He suddenly misses her.

"Well, what did you expect?" She asks, catching him completely off guard. Well for starter he expected his own sister to care more.

"She was taken out of your home at a very early age. I know that nothing was ever proven, but the circumstances of her departure probably left a scar. I never met her, but I'm guessing that she worked hard to put it all behind her. She probably never speaks of what happened to her growing up. Worst case scenario, she keeps it all bottled up. Better scenario is that she's got someone to talk to, to lean on. Is she married?"

"Yeah, got 3 kids, too" He answers, he's not all that sure that he wants to hear the rest.

"Good. Than the best picture I can imagine is that she only speaks of it with her husband, or a therapist, and even then only rarely ever. That's a common reaction among people who were abused as children." She talks about his sister, but makes the implications perfectly clear for him. She is analyzing her, as much as she is analyzing him. "And then you call. And you bring up your father and what happened to you, what he did to you. And what he did to you bring back all those memories. It must have been hard for her…" She looks at him.

Alex stares a head; he didn't see it like that. "How could I have been so selfish?" He has to fight hard to keep the tears at bay.

"You're not selfish. You needed her. She's your sister. It's perfectly understandable. Look, she probably just panicked. What you got was her first reaction. If you think about it, you acted the same when people first tried to talk to you about it after you woke up from surgery. The only difference is that with you sister it ended with her hanging up on you. You ended up back in the OR. My advice, give her time to digest it all. Then call her back. After the initial shock, it will probably be easier to talk to her."

He finally looks up to meet her eyes and doesn't say anything more. The rest of the session is passed in silence.

"I have to go back to the nut ward" Dr. Andrews says after a few minutes as she gets up to leave. When she reaches the door she turns to face him. "Alex, it's good to see some of your old self back. It's ah…. It's refreshing…." She smiles and leaves the room.


	5. Chapter 5

"What happened?" Dr. Bailey asks the minute she sets foot in Alex's room.

"The nurse said he had a low fever during the night, the same as before, but it just spiked to over 104." Meredith fills her in. Bailey is right by Alex's side listening to his breathing sounds through her stethoscope.

"He's burning up…. Could be from the pneumonia…" Dr. Bailey suggests.

"Or an infection." Meredith tries.

"Okay, start him on…." Dr. Bailey is about to order the course of treatment when Meredith cuts her in.

"I've already increased the dosage of antibiotics."

"Okay, that's good. Let's move him to the ICU just to be on the safe side." She orders.

"They already have a bed ready for him; George and Olivia are getting ice packs to cool him down while we move him." Meredith's voice sounds professional and detached concealing her true emotions.

"Damn it!! It's one step forward, two steps backwards with him; or more like one step forward 10 miles backwards" Dr. Bailey doesn't even try to hide her frustration. She looks at Meredith for a couple of seconds wondering when she became this person, who has all the answers; this doctor, who knows exactly what has to be done; and then she thinks that she taught her well, and she feels a bit proud.

Just then George and Olivia are back, each caring several ice packs and start placing them around Alex's heated body. As soon as they place all of the ice packs, Alex begins to stir; his eyes flutter open, fever bright and unfocused.

"Alex? Can you hear me? You are running a very high fever, so we are moving you to the ICU just in case. Alex?" Dr. Bailey positions herself across from him, where he could clearly see her. "Okay, people lets get him to the ICU. What's his temperature?"

Olivia puts the thermometer in Alex's left ear and waits a few seconds until it beeps. "105.5, it's gone up since I last took it."

"Okay, let's give the ice pack some time to lower his fever. If it doesn't work and the fever reaches 105.8 have the nurses in the ICU give him an ice bath, and page me…. Page me anyways." Dr. Bailey tells Meredith while they wheel him out of the room.

As they wheel the bed to the ICU Meredith watches Alex. His glassy eyes are fixed on her and that makes her uneasy. "Alex?" She tries again to get him to respond. "Alex, can you hear me?"

--

"Alex, did you hear me? Go to your room. Alex, did you hear what I just told you?"

"But mom I'm not finished yet…." An 8 year old Alex whines.

"Finish your homework in your room." His mother tells him.

"But…."

"No buts, Alex, go." She starts to sound panicked now.

He takes his time to gather his books and pencils from the table moving slowly in deliberation.

"Alexander, go to your room!!" She nearly shouts now. It suddenly hits him. He can hear the distinguished fear in her voice as his father's foot steps can clearly be heard as he stumbles through the front steps. Alex gathers the rest of his things and runs upstairs and into his sister's room. He shuts the door behind him and sits on the floor leaning against the door hugging his knees and covering his ears with his hands; Emily looks up from her table, just staring at the door.

No matter how hard he tries he can still hear it. He shuts the door and covers his ears and hums a tune they learned at school but he can still hear it. "You fucking whore!!" He can hear his father yelling. Then something breaks. "You've been sleeping around, hah? Think you can fuck other men behind your husband's back? Think you can just laugh at me? Fucking bitch, don't run away from me". Alex can hear his mother's screams as she probably tries to get away from his father. Then another thing breaks and he can hear his father cursing. Then the distinguished sound of a fist connecting with flesh and another scream from his mother. Louder this time. Then another fist and another scream and another. Her screams become more and more quiet.

Alex tries to block it all away; he rocks himself back and forth, still humming. He doesn't know when his sister sat by him, but she now puts her arms around his small, skinny shoulders. "Sshhh, it's okay, Alex. Don't be scared. It will all be over soon." She strokes his hair and says soothing words to him until the beatings stop. Until his mother makes no sound, and he can hear the front door open and close as his father leaves again.

They both exit Emily's room once they are sure he is not going to return any time soon, and go down the stairs to help their mother. The house is a mess. There is a smell of alcohol all over the place and shards of glass all over the floor; probably smashed a bottle of Jack, Alex thinks. He spots their mom first. She is lying of the floor in the far side of the room, doubled over on her right side; her face facing the floor.

"Mom" He runs to her. "Mom?" He shakes her. "Mom, please wake up…." He pleads. She turns slowly and pushes herself into a sitting position, fixing her hair with a shaky hand and wipes her tears. Alex watches her carefully. Her left eye is swollen shut, her hair is messy and her nose bleeds. She also wraps her right arm across her midsection, and she still doesn't make any attempt to stand up.

"It's okay baby… it looks worse than it really is." She smiles weakly at him.

"Bull." Emily says.

"Emily, please…. Don't make this any worse. Don't scare your brother, okay?"

"You don't think he is already scared? You don't think he was scared out of his mind when we heard you screaming, begging for your life?" She sounds angry now, can't hold it in anymore. His mom just stares at the floor, doesn't say anything.

"I'm sorry, mom, I didn't mean to…. Come on, Alex, help me get mom upstairs." She says as she lower herself by her mother side, and tugs a strand of her mom's hair behind her ear. They both help her to stand up, she only hisses in pain once, and slowly walk up the stairs. They help her lie on her bed and Alex leaves to get some wet towels to wipe the blood and some ice for the swelling. He also grabs a bottle of pills from the medicine cabinet.

When he comes back his mother has fallen asleep. He places an ice pack over her left eye and gives one towel to Emily. Together they wipe the blood and the tears off their mother's face. "She won't need any stitches." Emily says to no on in particular.

"I brought this." He hands his sister the bottle of pills "Is it what she needs?" Emily doesn't answer, just grabs the bottle from his hands, gets up and leaves the room. A few seconds later she returns with a glass of water.

"Mom…." She shakes her awake. "Mom, I want you to take a couple of these… it will help with the pain." She hands her a couple of green pills from the bottle. Their mom takes the pills and swallows them down with the water. After several minutes she is fast asleep.

After they finish patching their mom up they move down stairs and start to clean up.

"Be careful, Alex, it's all full of glass." Emily warns him and makes sure he is wearing his shoes. But just for caution she is the one who picks the large pieces by hand. They work in silence, the same way they do it each and every time.

"I can't do this any more." Emily suddenly blurts out looking directly into his eyes. Alex just looks back at her. "I can't… I can't breath in hear, you know?" He nods, even thought he doesn't really know what she means. "I'm going to tell them… at school…. I'm going to tell the truth. No more lies." He finally understands.

"Em, you can't. They'll take us away. That's what mom says." He starts to get scared. What if those people his mom was telling him about will come and take him away from home? Away from Emily?

"I just can't do this anymore, Alex. I can't lie anymore. And besides… wouldn't it just be better anywhere but here?"

"No…" He looks at the floor avoiding her eyes, a sign that he's lying.

"Maybe they will let you come with me?" She sounds cheerful, trying to convince him, to get his approval.

"Who will stay here with mom if we are gone? Who will take care of her?" He asks and as he says it out loud he knows that he will never leave, that he will suck it up and be a man, as his dad always says. He can't leave his mom alone.

"I just can't…. anymore, I hope you will understand." She says. After that Emily doesn't say anything else, just continues to pick the pieces of glass off the floor, as Alex puts everything back in place.

Later that night, after his mom has fallen again into a drug induced sleep, after his father returned home, he heard his sister soft whimpers through their joined wall. He got out of bed, walked quietly to her room and opened the door, shocked at what he sees. His father stands there naked except for an old T-shirt; Emily wearing her night gown, her underwear, the one with small red hearts lay on the floor. And she is crying, silent tears go down he cheeks. The mouths "Go" silently, only her lips moving and he is about to leave, when his father speaks.

"Why don't you join us, Alex?" He smiles as he says it but there is something about his smile, or maybe it's because his sister whispers "no" and still crying, that make him afraid to go inside.

"Get in here, boy. You're old enough. Don't you think he's old enough, Emily?" Jack says maliciously.

Alex takes a few tentative steps inside. "Please don't… don't do this, dad, please?" He hears Emily begging.

"Close the door, Alex. I don't want you to wake up your mother." Alex just does as he is told. He moves closer and then his dad grabs him hard by the shoulders and sits him on the bed near Emily. Jack takes his pajamas pants off and then his underwear, and Alex quickly moves to cover himself, embarrassed by his sister presence. She hasn't seen him naked in years. But his father pulls his hands away and replaces them with his own big hand, holding his penis. He is really scared now, and just wants to go back to his room, but he is frozen, unable to move or to utter a sound.

His father starts to rub his hand on his penis, slightly hurting him. "Yeah… yeah… doesn't it feel good?" Jack's eyes are closed and his lips are partly parted, so Alex can clearly see his tongue as he licks his lips. He thinks that he has never been more afraid of the man than he is right now.

Then Jack takes Alex's own hand and places it on his penis, which is swollen. He moves his hand along his penis, up and down as he moans. His father licks his hand, the same way he used to do a long time ago when they were a family and he held an ice cream for too long until it melted. Back then it made him feel good and safe now it just made him want to throw up. He takes his wet hand and continues to rub it against his penis, his breathing becoming faster and faster. He looks at his sister. She stares ahead, her eyes are open wide and scared too but she is no longer crying.

Alex is lost in his thought when all of a sudden a sharp white hot pain erupts from his buttocks, and he can't help it but scream. Shocked he looks back at his father, who is now on top of him and inside him, causing him torturous pain with each thrust. He fights the tears, his father always hated it when he cries before him; he uses all of his will power not to break down before him, knowing that usually it only made things worse.

"What are you crying boy, don't you like it?" His father asks, panting, with breathy voice as he begins to move faster and faster. Suddenly he pulls out, and Alex thinks that it might be over but then he feels his father pushing his penis into his mouth, making him gag. It's all over within seconds. His father thrusting him self inside his mouth faster and faster, and then he comes in his mouth.

Alex just sits there frozen fighting the urge not to vomit all over the floor. His father gets dressed and as he leaves the room he tells them to keep quiet about this, that it will be their secret.

Once Jack leave and it's all over; once Alex throws up in Emily's trash can, Emily rubbing soothing circles on his back; once he curls into a fetal position on her bed, still bleeding, not able to sit; once Emily wraps her arms around him and hugs him from behind and he can clearly feel her shaking, only then does he let the tears run freely from his eyes.

--

"His fever is up to 106, they have the ice bath ready" George informs Dr. Bailey and Meredith. They all stand by Alex's bedside, as a nurse is throws more ice into a tub near the bed, which is half full of ice water. Alex is stripped down to his boxer shorts; his nose and mouth are covered in an oxygen mask. He is attached once again to a hear monitor and IV lines, supplying his with fluids and antibiotics and he seems oblivious to his surroundings.

"Jesus… it will fry his brain. Let me see the chest X-ray…" Dr. Bailey actually sounds panicked. She studies the X-ray against the fluorescent light. "Okay, at least we know it's not an infection. Let's get him inside, before there will be any permanent damage." She orders around. Bossing people make her feel in control, make her forget that the person lying in front of her isn't just any other patient.

The three of them with the help of a male nurse lift Alex up and lower him inside the tub, careful with the IV lines and the heart monitor electrodes, leaving the oxygen mask on. The second that Alex's body touches the water he begins to flail, he kicks and tries to get away from the ice cold water.

"Alex, you have to calm down. Don't fight it, okay? Just calm down and breathe…." Meredith tries to calm him down as she scoops some water in her palm and pours wets his head, gently stroking his hair.

--

"No…. No… my baby, bring me back my baby!!" His mother hysteric screams can be heard all over the neighborhood. A small crowed has already gathered out side their house.

Emily is being escorted out of the house by two policemen and a woman from child protection services, holding on to her school bag, which she packed full of cloths only moments before.

"Mrs. Karev, pleas don't make this any more difficult…" The woman begins to say.

"Don't take her please… they're all I've got…" Suddenly remembering her son, she gets scared that they might take him as well. "Alex, wait inside." She orders him; pushes him behind her and rests a firm hand on his shoulder. No one will take him away too. "Where are you taking her?"

"To foster care, once she is settled down we will make arrangement for you to see her. How exactly… will be determined later. Also, the police will want talk to you husband…" The woman answers.

"Em… Em… Emily, please… please tell them… tell them you lied… please?" She holds Emily and lowers herself so she will be facing her at the same height. She is crying uncontrollably now. Alex can see that Emily is crying too, thought she walks out willingly with the cops.

"No…. No… Come back!! My baby!! Bring her back!!" He can hear his mother yelling for Emily to come back, to not leave her as they take her outside and into a car. Not a police car, he notices.

He suddenly breaks free from his mother's grip and runs towards her, as the car slowly starts to pull out of the driveway. "Emily!! Emily!! Emily!!" He yells over and over again.

Emily looks at him through the window. "I'll come back for you, I promise!!" She yells back. He runs after the car for a few minutes, the distance between them grows longer, until the car with his sister in it is nothing but a dot in the horizon. He then sits dejectedly on the ground, panting from the run, not knowing that the next time he'll see her will be at his mother's funeral years later.

--

"Hi, I'm looking for Alex Karev…" She asks no one in particular at the nurses' station on the surgical floor.

"You're looking for Alex?" Izzie turns around to face her. "Who are you?"

"I'm… Ah… I'm his sister. Emily." She says in an insecure voice.

"His sister…." She can clearly see the resemblance now. "Who called you? He didn't list any next of kin." Izzie says in a harsh voice.

"Ah… he did. Told me about…. That our father… about what had happened." She can't bring herself to say it out loud. That bastard. "I didn't take it too well… I … I hung up on him… where is he? Can I see him?"

"He's in the ICU, come on, I'll take you to him. I'm Izzie, by the way, I'm Alex's roommate… one of his roommates" Izzie introduces herself in a softer tone.

"He's back at work so soon?" Emily asks in surprise and notices that the blond doctor is starring at her oddly.

"Emily, he's not working…." She starts to explain.

"Then what is he doing in… oh." Realization has set in. "I don't understand… I talked to him yesterday… he said he was fine."

"There were some complications. At first there was a blood clot, and then he developed a post-op pneumonia. He was fine yesterday, but his fever spiked last night. They moved him to the ICU a little while ago. His fever was 106…"

"Oh my god…." Emily says and rubs a shaky hand through her hair and Izzie remembers sadly that Alex does the same thing when he is nervous.

"It's gone down after an ice bath, but they still want him in the ICU." She tries to assure her.

As they reach the ICU Izzie spots Dr. Baily, Meredith and George near Alex's bed.

"Hey, how is he?" She asks.

"No better… no worse." George answers.

"Emily, these are Meredith, George and Miranda Bailey, they are Alex's doctors. This is Emily, Alex's sister." She introduces.

Emily whispers a quiet "Hey" and moves closer to her brother's bed, grabs a chair and sits by his side. "Izzie, filled me in…. I still have some questions… but right now…. I just want to…. Can I have a few minutes alone with my brother?" She asks them.

"Sure." Dr. Bailey answers "We will be right over there." She motions for the nurses' station, as they leave them alone; giving them as much privacy as they possibly can in the crowded, hectic ICU.

"Who called her? You called her, George?" Meredith asks and George shakes his head.

"No, Alex called her, yesterday." Izzie answers.

Emily watches her brother's fitful sleep. His fever may have gone down a bit but it's still pretty high, according to the monitor by his bed, holding steady at 104.1. He is completely exposed, and she knows he would hate it, if he were awake. She doesn't know what to do, how to act around him, after all these years. So she settles for wiping his heated forehead and torso with a damp towel. She can't help but think that right now he looks exactly like that 8 year old she left behind.

She is lost in her thoughts for a few seconds, moving the towel mechanically, when she sees his eyes flutter open. They are the same eyes she remembered, only fever bright, glassy and unfocused.

"Alex… hi. How are you feeling?" She asks.

"Em…." He whispers "You came back for me, just like you promised…." And then he goes back to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Alex wakes up again to the familiar surrounding of the ICU. Great, he thinks- what is it? The third or fourth time? To be honest with himself, he does feel like crap. He is too hot and too cold at the same time; he feels nauseas as hell; he doesn't have the energy to even lift his hand to wipe the sweat, which burns his eyes and he is once again laying in that uncomfortable position- flat on his back. Lately he just doesn't seem to catch a break.

Suddenly he remembers seeing Emily there. Or was it just a dream? He can't think straight. He tries to look around to see her but there is no one there. He has to find her, has to tell her that he is sorry for calling her, that he should have dealt with things alone and not to get her involved. He slowly pushes himself into a sitting position and lowers his legs to the floor, his neck and back are stiff and everything around his is just too bright and too loud. The room is suddenly spinning around him and he can feel the bile rise in his throat. The doesn't even try to fight the nausea, just grabs a bed pen and empties the contents of his stomach, which is only bile, considering the fact that he hardly had anything to eat. Throwing up, leaves his throat sore and his head pounding. The room still tilting dangerously before his eyes he puts the bed pen on the table and lowers himself back on the bed, lying on his right side, his legs hang loosely of the bed. He closes his eyes for a second, trying to catch his breath, and falls back to his fevered sleep within seconds.

--

"He's not getting any better…" Emily says softly to the groups of doctors standing in front of her; she now knows them by name and title, in reference to her brother: Dr. Bailey, who used to be Alex's resident when he was an intern, Meredith, who's his roommate, Izzie, who's also his roommate, and though no one actually said in so many words she got the feeling that there was something more going on between her and Alex, George, who also used to be an intern with the rest of them, and by the way he talks about Alex, she gets the feeling that the two don't get along. Also standing there is Dr. Webber, the Chief of surgery, and that makes her uneasy- the Chief of surgery doesn't want to talk to a family member unless he has some bad news, so what ever it is it can't be good.

"No, he's not…" Dr. Webber says.

"Emily…." Dr. Bailey talks to her in a soft voice "His fever is lower than it was when we first moved him back to the ICU- it holds steady around 104.5- but it's still too high, and he is not responding to the ice packs as he did before. The chest X-rays we took several hours ago also confirm that the pneumonia is clearing, so that can't explain the high fever…"

"What are you saying?" She starts to panic now. "Do you know what's wrong? I mean he can't be this sick for so long, right? There has got to be something that you could…. Oh my god…. Are you saying that there isn't anything that you can do? Oh god…" She lets all the familiar scenarios from the various TV shows she catches every now and then flash before her eyes, as though she is looking at her own life playing on the television screen.

"Emily…. Emily… no…" It's Meredith that tries to calm her down. "We are not saying that there isn't something that we can do, okay? We just need your consent for this test, since you are Alex's next of keen…."

"What kind of test?" She asks suspiciously.

"Spinal tap" George says. "It's used to test…."

"For meningitis. I know what it's for. My eldest had to do this test once, when she was three…. Isn't it quite a painful test? I mean…. Do you think he's up to it?" She asks quietly. God how much more can he endure before his body will simply give up?

"It's painful and will be a strain on Alex's body for sure…." If Dr. Bailey tries to put her mind at ease, it's not working….. "But we need to find out what's wrong, so we will be able to fix it…"

She looks back at Alex, even in his drugs induced sleep he seems restless. He moans softly in his sleep and she doesn't know if it's because of the pain or if he's dreaming. He also softly flails his limbs in every direction, the same way he used to do when they were kids and he'd be upset over something. He never really let it show, just seemed angrier, but when he fell asleep he used to toss and turn, and kick and flail. It was the only way she could ever tell that there was something wrong.

"Do it…" Emily says, "Just do it, and get it over with." She sighs deeply before she leaves the room. "I can't…. I have too…" She tries to explain her sudden need to get out of the hospital. "Just tell him… Tell Alex I'll come back, okay?" And with that she leaves her brother behind once again, as she walks out of the hospital to the nearest bar.

--

The pain is almost unbearable. Alex lies on his stomach, which is painful enough, given the stitches from his surgery, but the pressure in his lower back makes it hard for him to breathe.

"Alex, try and relax… take deep breaths…" Dr. Bailey instructs. It's only the two of them in the room, well not so much a room as an ICU bed hidden by a thin curtain. He insisted on it, though Meredith had wanted to stay; 'to be there for him' as she put it; How pathetic… so he told Dr. Bailey he doesn't want anyone to be there, to freaking hold his hand, not even a nurse, and Dr. Bailey understood his need to get some privacy, to let some of his old mask back on. No one needs to see how weak and fragile and human he really is.

He tries to do as he is told. Focuses on slowly inhaling and exhaling and all along feels the pressure in his back build up as Dr. Bailey inserts the needle into his spine. He feels hot tears well up in his eyes and slams them shut, in embarrassment. After all he has performed a spinal tap more times than he can remember.

"That's it. All done…" Dr. Bailey leaves for a few seconds to hand the tube filled with his spinal fluid to the nurse on call in the ICU and returns to his hospital bed to help him to turn on his back. He quickly wipes the tears with the back of his hands before Dr. Bailey will be able to see. He really does fell like crap. And he is not stupid either; he knows that there is something wrong with him, otherwise he would have been moved out of the ICU. He can feel that the fever hasn't broken yet. His joints all throb and he feels flushed. The same way he always feels when his fever rise. It's also hard for him to breathe. Well, not hard, but somehow breathing feels like an effort right now, making him feel like he's drowning.

"Dr…. Bailey….." his voice sounds weak and breathy. "Where's…. Emily?"

"She… Ah… she was here. But I haven't seen her in a while. She said to tell you she'll come back."

And that's all he has to hear. "Shit…" He says and pushes himself up. He has to find her; he has to find her right now.

"Alex… what… What are you doing? You just had a spinal tap… your fever is 104.5, you're not going anywhere…." Dr. Bailey tries to push him back down.

"I have… to… find…. Her..." He tries not to sound so weak, but still can't hold back the wheezing, which brings on a fierce coughing fit, that makes his back feel like it's being set on fire. He tries to push her away to fight through the pain to get to his sister. He pushes her roughly, making her to slightly loose her balance, and he makes a mental note to apologize to her later. He then tries to stand and has to grab the wall for support as the room begins to spin.

"Get me 10 mg of haldol…." Dr. Bailey shouts to the nurse.

"No… no… you don't understand…. I have… to… find her…." His back screams with pain and it's getting harder and harder to breathe, making his vision blur, but he has got to get to her, got to make sure she is okay. He looks at Dr. Bailey pleading with her, suddenly all fight in him vanishes. "I… have… to make…. Make sure… she's alright…" That's the only explanation he is able to give her right now. How can he explain to her that the last time Emily said she'll come back for he was left alone in this hell he used to call home? How can he explain to her that the time before that when Emily said she'll come back the police found her wondering the streets of his home town in the middle of a snow storm, cold and hungry and scared and she was almost taken away by social services and his mother cried herself to sleep? How can he explain to her that when his sister says these things it's a sure sign that something is very very wrong…? He can't hold himself upright anymore and starts to slide down, only vaguely aware of Dr. Bailey's hands as she grabs him and gently guides him to the floor to prevent him from falling hard.

"Page Dr. Grey." Dr. Bailey tells the nurse and shakes her head to sign her that she won't be needing the haldol after all. "Help me get him back in bed…"

They both lift Alex off the floor and Dr. Bailey notices that he doesn't even try to resist, his eyes are closed and if it weren't for his erratic breathing she would have thought he was unconscious.

"Alex? Alex can you hear me?" Dr. Bailey tries to get him to respond once he is lying back in his bed. "You have to calm down… Alex? Try and take deep breaths…." She shines a pen light in his eyes, which makes his headache intensify and brings on a wave of nausea. But he tries to ignore the pain and the panic as he opens his eyes and tries to do as he is told.

"Dr… Bailey?" He sounds scared. "You have… to find… her…. Make sure… she's okay…"

Dr. Bailey studies him. At first she thought that it's probably just the high fever, making him delusional, but now she is not so sure. He seems genuinely scared for his sister. She gently strokes his damp hair and stares into his fever bright eyes.

"Okay… We'll find her. Don't worry." She sounds so calm and sure, that Alex relaxes within seconds and allows himself to drift into a restless sleep.

--

Emily stumbles back to the ICU two hours later. She knows she is drunk, but unlike the usual buzzed feeling she likes, this time the feeling scares her. She is not nearly drunk enough to block out the memories and the sense of not being in control makes her panic.

She walks unsteadily towards Alex's bed. He's awake, she can tell, lying in a semi-sitting position eyes locked on her. He's covered in sheen of sweat and every now end then his hands or legs twitch. She can also tell he is in some pain, his brows slightly frown. He is also trying to breathe easily- chest slowly rising, as if the action of inhaling requires some effort, and falls fast- and Emily thinks that breathing shouldn't be this hard and that it is probably mean that he's not doing so well. Suddenly she feels selfish for leaving him in his weak state, because it was too hard for her to cope with. Alex is probably having a harder time handling the whole situation and she just left him here, alone and sick and probably scared (he always hated hospitals, she remembers) to go and get smashed in the middle of the day because it would make the whole situation easier for her. God, it's always been about her. Not once has she ever thought about him, about how hard it must have been for him after she had left; that's not entirely true, she thinks, she has thought about it, only she didn't care enough to actually do something about it, to make it easier for him.

She walks closer to him, suddenly sober, tears falling down her face. She can tell all eyes are on them, studying them. She doesn't care.

"You're… drunk." He doesn't judge her; doesn't sound angry or sad or disappointed; just says it as a matter of fact.

"Em…. Where… have you… been? Are you… okay?" He sounds scared; his breathing is shallow and strenuous. He's the one lying in a hospital bed in the ICU after being through hell and back (not entirely back yet, she thinks grimly) and he is still makes it all about her, about how she is handling the mess of things.

"I'm sorry…." It's all she manages to say before she burst out crying hysterically, alcohol always had this kind of affect on her, intensifying her emotions ten times fold.

"No... I'm sorry… I'm sorry…. I dragged… you… back… you put all….. this…. shit… behind you…." He starts to apologize to her; he has to focus on drawing each shaky breath.

"Don't… don't apologize to me, Alex. I… I don't deserve it…" She sits on the edge of the bed.

"I… shouldn't have…. never… called… you…. put it all… behind you…. I'm sorry." He ignores her. His voice sounds strained as he tries hard to force the lump in his throat down.

She lays nest to him. Wraps her arms around his heated body, rests her head on the crook of his right shoulder. She can hear his erratic heart beat and even though it's beating way too fast for her liking and not in an even rhythm she still finds the sound soothing, comforting. She lets the tears roll from her eyes onto his body and draws several deep breaths.

"No, Alex. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I left you there… I should have taken you… I should have protected you… I should have…" She mumbles hysterically, all barriers, all masks and walls she has worked to build the past 20 years crumble. "I'm so so sorry…." She cries hysterically again.

Alex raises his left hand and gently strikes her face, abstractedly wiping her tears with his thumb. "I never…. blamed you…. for leaving… never….." He turns his head slowly and kisses her forehead. She nods; her breathing slows down a little. She feels exhausted all of a sudden from the alcohol, from seeing Alex again after all this time, from dealing with everything she left behind; tired from the past 20 years. She lets herself relax a little and closes her eyes, thinking that maybe, just maybe, they will both be alright. She falls asleep to the sound of her brother's heart beat.


	7. Chapter 7

"Hey"

"Hey"

Meredith's face comes into focus as Alex awakens and though he would never tell it to her face seeing her there smiling at him actually makes him feel better.

"How are you feeling?" Meredith says as she sits on the edge of his bed. A regular bed, in a regular room and not the ICU uncomfortable beds, at last.

"Better I guess." He says sheepishly. "I don't want to jinx it…" He averts his eyes and stares at the end of the bed, where his feet are. He really does feel sick of this place, sick of being sick and weak and vulnerable and exposed. He does feel better though. He's still too hot but it doesn't feel as if he's being roasted alive and that means that his fever, though a bit too high, is down a little; His breathing is also easier, which means he is responding well to the antibiotics; and though no one told him specifically, he knows he doesn't have meningitis- if he had he would be in quarantine right now and not talking to Meredith, without wearing a mask.

"Where's your sister? I haven't seen her around" She asks and looks around as if she is searching for her.

"She left."

"Oh… But I thought… you know… that after the ICU that she would be…" She rambles on to disguise the slight feeling of pity for Alex; she knows he hates people pitying him.

"It's okay, Meredith. She had to go back to her kids back to her normal life…." He realizes that he sounds like a guy who feels sorry for himself and tries to change tactics. "But that's okay, you know? It was really hard for her… it took it's toll on her, just being here. Going through all that again… it wasn't easy for her. He doesn't go into specifics. Meredith is a lot like him in many ways and he knows she understands what he is talking about. "I'm glad she came, though…. We had a chance to talk…. We haven't done that in years. It felt good, you know? To wake up in a hospital and actually have someone there waiting for you, waiting for you to open your eyes and not wake up… ah… alone" He realizes he has revealed too much when Meredith looks at him funny.

"So… what's the diagnosis?" He changes the subject.

"Actually… you will live." She smiles again. "You're over the pneumonia…. Well, almost over and your fever is down. Keep this up and you'll be discharged by the end of the week." She gets up to leave.

"And then what?" He asks in a low voice, almost a whisper.

She sits back down on the bed. This time a little closer to him. "And then you will come home. Izzie will probably bake you muffins or something for your return…." She lightly jokes, even though she knows he is talking about something else. "It will be okay, you know. People forget, maybe in your case it might take a little longer, but eventually they'll forget and move on." She looks at him closely, as he averts his eyes again.

"Alex, look at me. Alex…" She patiently waits until he looks up. "It's not the end of the world… that people know… that we know. We're your friends. We all care about you…. Even George… It was like that with my mother. At first I was terrified that you would all find out. And then you did find out. And you know what? The world didn't come to an end. You'd be surprised, it actually helps to lean on your friends every now and then… okay? Trust me, you'll be just fine." She smiles at him and gently squeezes his hand before she leaves.

Right at the door Meredith turns around and sees that he is looking at her. At first she thinks that maybe there is something wrong, but then his lips twitch in an off side half smile. It's not much, and it hardly reaches his eyes, but she realizes that it's the first time he has smiled since he was brought in, bloodied and scared nearly 10 days ago, and she thinks that right now the smile on the face of Alex Karev is the most beautiful thing in the world.


End file.
